A Year in Retrospect. A Year of Ups, Downs, and Savannah.

It's been a while since I wrote...  Over a year.  But thoughts have been weighing on my mind and my heart.  Nudges via friends on FB and in person led me back to the blog.  So, what's gone on in a year?  Here's a very high level detail for those of you not on FB or would like a reminder.

• July, 2014 - Savannah and I returned from our 2 year life in India to my parent's home in Spring, Texas until our container arrived.
• September, 2014 - Savannah and I moved back into our home in Spring when our container arrived.  This was smack dab in the middle of a two-week workshop I was attending in Copenhagen, Denmark, so the frequent flyer miles were in full force.  
• October, 2014 - Michael and I were married.  It was one of the happiest days of my life and I thank God every day for sending this wonderful man to me.  Second chances are a wonderful thing.
• November, 2014 - My boss and I spent 10 days in India visiting our Safmarine teams in Chennai (I got a weekend with friends out of this, too!), Pune and Mumbai.  It was great to go back and see friends from work and church... and eat biriyani. 
• January, 2015 - Michael and I honeymooned in California, starting in SoCal - Ventura - and heading up the coast along beautiful PCH and spending a weekend in the mountains, then back to LA.  
• May, 2015 - Savannah turned 18.  My baby girl decided she was no longer a baby and was making some very adult decisions.  She decided to move out and start her life as an adult.  (more to come...)
• June, 2015 - Michael and I decided to look for a new home to make our own.  We are currently in the house I have lived in since Savannah was a month old.  Traffic is a nightmare and it would probably do us both some good to start fresh, so we started looking around.
• Present - we have an offer on a house in Conroe and if all goes well, we will be in this time next month.

That's about as short and sweet as I can put the last year of our lives.  And you're welcome for condensing.  Along the way, there was stress and emotions and happiness and heartache and tears of joy and tears of pain and tears of uncertainty and tears of regret.  I guess here's the part that will take more time.  Here's the part that, if you don't want to hear a bit of whining and a bit of sadness, you might want to stop reading now.  In many ways, the last year has gone by in the blink of an eye.  I can't believe how easily the return to Texas fit into my life.  It was like I never skipped a beat, although every day I think about my life in India with smiles and fond memories.  I made some of the most wonderful friends and had some of the most spiritually-enlightening times of my life during our time overseas.  Savannah and I were besties, spending lots and lots of time together.  We traveled together, attended church together, ran errands together, watched TV together (well, she watched TV and I played on my phone or laptop, but we were together), we shopped together, we ate together.  We did so much together.  And then we came home.  Home to Texas.  And we did so little together.  I worked long hours and traveled lots for work.  I tagged along with Danielle while she planned our wedding and said things like, "I don't care, make it pretty."  I spent lots of time with Michael on the weekends doing wedding errands or just being together, because, well, it was nice to be back together after two long years apart.  And Savannah was working, as well.  And going to school.  And spending lots of time with my parents and my nieces.  But not a lot with me.  
Savannah was getting a little resentful of the lack of time we were spending together.  And hurt.  But a teenager returning from a two-year stint overseas is going through a lot of emotions.  Reverse culture shock. Learning where she fits in and feeling like it's not a lot of places or crowds that it used to be.  She didn't communicate that she was hurting very often. We had a few nights of tears and tried to schedule time together, but she didn't like me having to "pencil her in" and became more and more distant.  She worked lots and found reasons to be away.  While I was in India, she was caught smoking pot with a friend.  That was rough.  10,000 miles away with her in the responsibility of my parents and that message came through.  Not a happy few days.  I returned, we talked.  Well, mostly I talked and she said it was a one-off.  A few days passed and she was caught, again, smoking pot, but with another friend.  It's a sad feeling when, as a parent, you realize your child is the common denominator of bad behavior.  Illegal behavior.  Irresponsible and disrespectful behavior.  Savannah was grounded much of November and most of December, and spent weeks at my parent's house in an effort to avoid being home with Michael and me.
Time passed and January found her back in our home, against her will, but knowing she's my daughter, my responsibility and not for my parents to be handling during this difficult time.
She worked lots and lots of hours and didn't drive or have a car, so she had to be shuttled around from work to school and back again. She was not around much at all and began to disconnect more and more from family.  Savannah didn't want to face her feelings so she escaped through marijuana use.  She was hurt, sad, angry.  Mostly at me, I suppose.  I moved back and picked up right where I left off.  I have the same terrific group of friends, a job I love, a wonderful husband and an amazing family.  It wasn't hard for me to come back to all this.  Savannah missed her church family she left in India.  She missed precious Prasansha who passed in November, 2013.  She missed the constant togetherness and friendship we had created in India.  She probably missed her dad, too, but that's another blog.  
Savannah has chosen to disconnect from her family and church friends and is now living with another friend about 45 minutes away from our home.  I have seen her only twice since she left in May, both times when she was coming to pick up some of her belongings or furniture we were giving to her.  She is angry... doesn't want to be "judged"... doesn't answer emails anymore.
I miss my girl.  I cry when I am still long enough to let myself think.  I stay busy during the week because it's easier.  The weekends are hardest.  When Haley is with us and we are out running errands sometimes it's all I can do to keep it together.  Those were the things I did with Savannah.  The little things.  The family dinners to celebrate birthdays.  The dance recitals for my nieces.  Sunday lunch after church or a pedicure treat together.  I miss my girl.  Michael walks in a room and finds me crying.  Often.  He used to ask why, and sometimes still does, but, for the most part, he just knows now.  I miss my girl.  Every day.  I check my email 100 times a day hoping she will reply.  I watch FB for an update.  A glimpse of hope that she's coming back around.  Back to the mom and family that loves her so much.  
She's lost.  I pray for her every day.  I pray for God to keep her safe - wrap His arms around her and protect her, even in the darkest choices she might be making.  I pray for her heart to soften.  Forgiveness to creep in, bitterness to seep out, love and happiness and joy to replace the anger, sadness and hurt she is feeling.  For FEELINGS to be allowed back into her life.  To quit numbing her emotions with vices and work through the pain.  To come back to Jesus.
Lots of love and joyful times and memories made over the last year.  Lots of sadness, fear and hurt, too.  I am thankful that I have a relationship with Jesus, because there are lots of conversations going on.  Some angry, some desperate, and some rambling.  He knows my heart and He knows the plan.  I take comfort in Jeremiah 29:11 and remind myself His plan is there. 
I am not sure why I felt the need to write all this, but maybe someone else out there is struggling with someone they love.  I know I am not alone in this, and sometimes it helps to have a reminder.  I am comforted through stories of friends who overcame their addictions or bad teenage-year choices.  I am hopeful when someone tells me about someone they know and love who went through trials and came out stronger.  Is it human nature to feel isolated, yet long to know there's someone else enduring a similar struggle?  I don't know the answer, but I know if you are having a hard time in life, you aren't alone.  Talk to someone.  Don't turn to vices and don't disconnect from your family and, if you're a Christian, your savior.  You are loved.

An Emotional last morning...

I woke up extra early this morning to the rustling sounds of Savannah getting ready for the last service at the Tamil church. I heard the usual "getting ready" noises with a few extra tossed in - the zipping of suitcases & clearance of items from the bathroom as it was her last time to use the luxurious Leela super-huge bathroom.  I dozed back off after she left, but have since gone down to enjoy a nice decaf cappuccino and fresh eggs at the beautiful breakfast buffet. As I sat and waited on the faux caffeine, I began to think about this being our last day in India together and I got a little teary-eyed. Although most of our time was not spent at five star properties like the Leela Palace, we did enjoy our two years here in Chennai. We used the opportunity to grow our mother/daughter relationship. We traveled together. We got on each other's nerves. We encouraged each other. We laughed together. We cried together. We learned beautiful things about a new culture. We learned beautiful things about ourselves and each other. We witnessed racism, and we felt it firsthand for the first time in our lives. We fought battles, big and small. We spent time in an Indian hospital and faced separate health issues.  We made friendships on the basis of being American in India - and we know these friendships will be lifelong because there's a special kind of bond that comes from being away from "home" but connecting with people who share your "home". We found and fell in love with a new church family. We held a beautiful young girl in our arms and in our hearts and then laid her to rest. We helped the other get out of our comfort zones on many occasions.  We made memories to last a lifetime.
I am sure we have done more as a team during this tenure, but any other thoughts escape me at the moment. I will be forever grateful to my girl for joining me on this crazy adventure. As the time comes to leave our Indian home and return back to our native land of the brave, I am overcome with emotion. I have done a pretty good job stuffing it down this week with only a time or two of the tears welling up, but I can tell it won't be that way anymore. The tears welled up at breakfast. Alone.  Which means as soon as someone else is around to enunciate the words "today is your last day," they will come without the ability to keep them under control. But not yet. 
Our last week included packing our apartment into 62 boxes to be shipped back to Houston.  We caught up and had dinners, lunches and coffee or tea with many of our friends and coworkers.  We had a special appreciation ceremony for our driver with Maersk and his company's owner.  We watched the clock and counted the days, with both anticipation and trepidation.  How quickly this week went at times, while other times ticked away ever so slowly.  (I could actually say this for the past two years... not just this week!)  The roller coaster of emotions tends to do that, I suppose.  Speaking of ticking clock, it's about time for me to move from this soft bed and begin my getting ready process for the day.  The last day... at least until Safmarine sends me back, which I look forward to, and softens this leaving scenario in my mind and heart.  It it much easier to say "see ya later" instead of "goodbye."  And with that thought, I will leave you with God's great blessings, hugs, and request for prayers for our safe travels home.  We depart, with Dynamo in tow, at 1:50 AM IST, 3:20 PM CST and will land in Texas on Monday around 1:30 PM.  Thank you in advance and big love & hugs, once more, from Chennai!

Countdown is On!

As I type this it's a little past midnight on Monday, June 23 morning. - As a side note, today would have been Maura deSouza's 28th birthday... here's to Maura, celebrating in Heaven angel-style with Jesus. - This is also significant because in two weeks from right now, Savannah, Dynamo and I will be at the Chennai International Airport waiting on our flight to Frankfurt, Germany and then onwards to Houston.  I know I said it last time, but there are an enormous variance of emotions running through us... I spent yesterday sorting my bedroom into piles - donate or share locally, pack in container for ocean transit, pack in suitcase for short term living.  Our apartment will be packed up and we will move to a hotel next Monday or Tuesday.  I will spend a few hours each day this week doing the same with the rest of our stuff, leaving Savannah to make decisions about her clothes.  Next weekend will be it - finality with decisions for ocean or air and saying goodbye to our little place in Padur.  As I was sorting yesterday I could not help but think back to my moving-Nazi, AKA BFF, Danielle (whose birthday is still today in the USA, by the way - June 22 - Happy Birthday, BFF!) and how she made me do this same type of exercise just a little over 2 years ago as we prepared for the move FROM Texas.  And it just seems like yesterday...  Yet, here we are, 24 months later, and preparing for the move TO Texas.  It just feels like the blink of an eye.  It is exciting to be heading back to our friends we left behind and the family, not to mention the fiancee.  But we have made some amazing friends here, too, which we will now leave behind.  And our church family.  And while I am thrilled to begin my new role in Houston with Safmarine, I am leaving my Maersk team over here, which is tough...  Quite the roller coaster of emotions.  As I sorted through my things I took some time to look through a book my team in Houston gave me before I left.  It was filled with laughs and smiles and great memories of recent years in and out of the Maersk office.  Not surprisingly, I cried a little bit as I thought of the great memories, laughs and smiles I'll be leaving behind from this Maersk office.  And then I told myself that was enough and time to get back to business.  Then a little while later I came across our entry ticket stubs for the Taj Mahal and sat down to reminisce about that trip that Savannah and I took.  What an experience of a lifetime and how vivid are the awesome memories we made - so fortunate and blessed to have been able to see such a beautiful wonder of the world and visit India outside Chennai!  Lots of smiles and maybe a few tears as I thought of the changes we have in front of us.  I am not scared of the change, and looking forward to starting our new life with Michael and his daughter, Haley, but a little sad to leave behind our Mommy/daughter time we became accustomed to over here.  I also spent some time thinking about the great friends we have made and know from all over the world, from our gulf coast in the US all across our great nation to the new friends we have in Canada, the UK, Turkey, Nepal, and of course India.  I am sure there are more places, but that's a good start. We could not have survived this great adventure without the love and support from a wonderful group of friends, near and far.  We are blessed beyond measure and, not surprisingly, I was moved to tears thinking of all the wonderful people in our lives.  Lots to think about...
Other than preparations to depart, I have been recovering pretty well.  Fortunately no more pain and only low energy.  Hoping that gets back to normal pretty quick - lots to do and not a lot of time to get it all done!  Savannah did complete her graduation, YAY, and has spent her time after school as an intern at a friend of a friend's new daycare/activity center she opened up in the city.  She has loved her first experience in the work force, although an unpaid gig, and she is learning a lot about what it takes to survive.  She comes home tired and complains that work is tough.  Duh.  haha  When we get back to Texas there is lots to do for her - enroll in community college, learn how to drive, help with my nieces a day or two a week, and job hunt.  She wants to save money so she can travel next year while taking online classes in the spring, since she will be on my mom's retirement flight benefits and have the luxury of no/low cost travel.  
We have more visitors in from the US for the Safmarine migration at work last week and this week, which is always nice.  They get to meet the team and impart some great knowledge with some "front office" style that will surely help make our team here stronger.  We joined them for a fancy brunch today, along with the Toms and Cherie (whose birthday was yesterday!), at the Leela Palace hotel.  Then we did a little shopping and they joined us at church.  After a little while at one of the nearby beaches and a lot of walking, we were pretty worn out and returned for a nice Indian dinner and called it a night.  Savannah is already sleeping (it's hard being a working girl - just ask her!) and I am winding down, myself.
Many thoughts and plans are running like a ticker tape in my brain which makes it hard to sleep lately.  I make a lot of notes on my phone and send emails to myself to remember to do this, check that, call here, pack this, remember that.  We are trying to fit an awful lot of social time with our Chennai friends into the calendar before we leave... there just don't seem to be enough meals or days to get it all in.  On that note, I just thought of a few things I need to jot down so I'll wrap this post up.  I'll ask for your prayers for us as we prepare for the journey home... peace, energy, emotional balance, as a start.  Throw in anything else you can think of; we'll sure take it :)  Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, as always!  We love you!

Manic May... came and went

Really?  May has already passed?  Is it seriously June, 2014?  This reality fills me with emotions - excitement, anxiety, fear, anticipation, disbelief, sadness, happiness, giddiness, nervousness, regret, and so many more I can't think of right now.  I'll try to explain them all a bit... 

• excitement - looking forward to the move back to Houston with a new role in the organization, a wedding in the not-so-distant future, and being around old friends and family again
• anxiety - only one month left here in Chennai and I feel like there is so much to do to prepare for the big move
• fear - what if reverse culture shock is worse than the original for Savannah? or me?  or both!?
• anticipation - so much to be getting ready for back in Texas
• disbelief - have we really come to the end of our two-year term here?
• sadness - we have THE most amazing church and church family here.  I have some awesome co-workers turned friends, too.  It will be very difficult to tell them goodbye.
• happiness - did I mention I get to be on the same continent as my fiancee?
• giddiness - did I also mention I am marrying said fiancee in October?
• nervousness - what if life back in Texas hasn't changed a bit?  And we have?
• regret - So much more to do and see over here in India and southeast Asia.  We began our travels so late...

So, working closely with Gideon (who else?) to get our affairs in order for the journey back to the other side of the world.  Dynamo papers and preparation, ending of the rental agreement on the flat, a month-long extension on my employment visa to get us through this month.  Also waiting on the global relocation company to have the local packing and moving company get in touch to do a survey and schedule packing dates.  Lots to do and think about.

Things have been very busy at work, as well.  We had visitors from North America, my new team, actually, come to help train the new Chennai team and get them ready for some transition of work so Savannah and I played hostesses on the weekends and showed them all around the area.  We had a great time and even fit in a couple senior portrait sessions for my girl.  Oh! Big news is that the SAT results came back Friday and Savannah will be a high school graduate THIS FRIDAY, June 6.  Amazing how all the stress and nerves around this graduation process wound up just as we knew it should... it was just getting to this point and going through the mud and the muck of it all to get confirmation and approval and so on that was such a headache.  So very thankful that is behind us and in about 45 hours my kiddo will be walking across the stage with her entire class.  All four of them.  Haha  Regardless, I am super proud of Savannah.  She put in a lot of hard work this year and over the summer to make sure she had good grades and enough credits to make this early graduation happen.  Hard work pays off!  

One last significant event in May... my parents came to see us one more time!  This was completely unplanned and unexpected, but wound up being necessary and I cannot begin to put into words the gratitude for my wonderful parents dropping everything to fly around the world when we needed them.  Is this a long blog?  Oops, it's about to get longer. 

Since about February or March my lap band port (you might or might now know I had gastric-banding surgery about 6 years ago) has moved a little bit and been uncomfortable at times and visible as a protrusion in my abdomen, but not an issue.  I was waiting until I got back to the US to address the issue and likely have it moved back into place.  About a week before I went to Copenhagen, though, it was red and causing a little bit of pain.  I sent a couple photos to Danielle's dad, and he said I needed to get into the doctor and it was likely infected.  Sure enough, I had an abscess that required draining (gross and painful!!) and some antibiotics.  No problem, though, travel still OK, so off I went.  Redness subsided within a few days, but then came back.  I went back to the doctor and he cleaned again and gave a stronger, longer round of antibiotics this time and advised to come back in 7-10 days for a follow up.  I went in 10 days later, still with a red spot in the area, for another cleaning, draining and discussion.  The discussion included two further treatment options: Option 1 - conservative approach that would be IV antibiotics to start with an exploration procedure to see if the port area and connector between port and band at the stomach both have infection around them.  With treatment, the infection would (should) go away and all would be well, but the likelihood of a subsequent infection in 3-6 months is high.  There was a high possibility I would need the lab band removed or the infection will keep coming back.  Option 2 - Aggressive approach - go ahead and surgically remove the lap band to avoid further complications.  Either way, the doctor would have to do a CT scan with some dye through an IV and ingestion of some sort to look around and see if there is inflammation all around the areas where the lap band, connection and that could show requirement for removal right away or possibility to treat the conservative manner.  Since I am a wimp, I don't want to do the IV unnecessarily. I decided to go ahead with the band removal but worried about the possibility to gain the weight I had lost back and all the unhealthy things that come with that.  He suggested replacing the band with a newer surgery, called gastric sleeve. He could do it at the same time so it's one surgery as opposed to one now to remove the band and then possibly another later... So, I did some research and scheduled the for last Tuesday.  I was admitted Monday for the IV/CT stuff, blood work and other pre-op testing with surgery Tuesday late morning. Obviously all went well, as I am writing this blog now.  But I won't lie.  This past week was HELL.  Lots of pain, lack of sleep due to pain, difficulty moving due to the pain, and not enough medicine to kill the pain.  The first night I was vomiting from the anesthesia wearing off, which hurt because my stomach was all inflamed from the surgery.  I got zero sleep.  During the day, the IV pain meds helped and I slept off and on.  The next night they were trying to wean me off the IV nutrition so I could being sipping liquids, but I could not get enough, so I was thirsty all night.  Another zero sleep night.  About 4 AM they hooked me back up and I slept for an hour or two.  Then they took the IV and pain meds away as they prepped me for hospital release.  The pain was brutal.  Mom stayed with me at the hospital while Dad stayed with Savannah so she could go to school and complete her exams.  Gideon helped coordinate every aspect, of course... and checked in often.  Friends from church stopped by and messaged Mom, although I don't remember a lot of that.  Savannah and Danielle gave lots of updates here and stateside.  I am thankful for such loving family and friends.  And I am thankful that a week and a day later the pain is less and the sleep is more, although I have seriously low energy and a mini-walk around the flat almost requires a nap.  A shower definitely requires a nap.  Hoping that changes quickly. I am going back to the doctor Saturday and crossing my fingers for enough energy and progress for a release back to work on Monday.  I would appreciate your prayers for continued lessening pain and increased energy along with patience of those around me (ahem, Savannah nearby and Danielle, Michael, Mom via text/phone/chat) to put up with my whiny-ness, as there is a lot of it.  I am a pretty bad patient.  But surviving.

So all in all, a busy May.  With a busy June catapulting us into JULY.  Countdowns are going on... emotions are high... we yearn for July while we want to drag out June.  Irony at its finest.  Here's hoping your June is filled with laughs and love and blessings.  Thanks for your prayers and love!

April Travels...

The last time I wrote was a month ago.  Savannah and I were preparing for our journey to meet my parents and Michael in Thailand.  What a trip that was – full of beauty and great experiences, such a nice time with the family.  We started out meeting up in Bangkok since we all got in overnight hours.  We spent a few hours sleeping and then took a van to Pattaya, which is a beach area on the Gulf of Thailand, just a couple hours from the city.  We stayed at the gorgeous Amari Ocean Pattaya, which was overlooking the Gulf.  It was perfect.  We spent two nights in Pattaya and loved every minute.  We went to Coral Island for a day, which included parasailing, an underwater walk and a glass bottom boat ride.  We enjoyed traditional Thai seafood and “the best rice ever,” according to my mother.  We lazed by the pool, were pampered with a Thai massage (OH MY GOSH, seriously THIS was the best massage EVER!), spent time shopping at the local markets and rented a moped for a scenic personal tour.  Unfortunately the moped led to a ticket (you tricky Pattaya police department set us up!) but it was only about $12 and Michael took care of it pretty quickly, so I guess it was a fun memory after all.  Speaking of fun memories, something that will always be special to me about Pattaya is that Michael asked me to marry him on the beach after dinner on April 1.  He completely surprised me with the proposal, but I don’t think I quit smiling for the rest of the week.  Or since then, for that matter.  I am very thankful to have such a supportive, encouraging, understanding, loving and persistent fiancée…  The man who encouraged me to listen to God, follow His will around the world and make a life for Savannah and myself in India for two years.  The man who, when it was so difficult a transition and acclimation to Indian life, would not let me give up on the long distance relationship even when I tried so hard.  The man who loves me despite all my craziness, insecurities, confusion, indecisiveness, and so many other lovely qualities I possess.  The man who loves me even it’s not me, but my teenager making it difficult.  We will be married a few months after I come home and we are excited to start this wonderful chapter of our lives together.

After Pattaya, we went back to Bangkok and had a blast at the floating market – seriously, so much fun! – and a tour of the village by water.  We stopped at a Tiger Temple and made a few new friends.  Another day took us on a temple tour, where we visited some huge Buddhas and added learnings of Buddhism to our varied religious palette.  Finally, we visited the Grand Palace.  And “grand” doesn’t do it justice.  Amazingly beautiful architecture, murals, and jewels as far as the eye could see.  Perfectly manicured lawns trimmed with extravagant vases and yard ornaments.  Rich and vibrant colors in architectural styles that mirrored the royal’s appreciation from around the world as it was built through the years at every turn.  Our time went too quickly, but we enjoyed every minute.  And we know it won’t be long until we head back on the other side of the Atlantic and see the family and Michael again.  I told Savannah I was really happy we had such a great holiday, because it was our last here in India before we make our way back to Texas.  Turned out, that wasn’t quite the case.

When we returned, Savannah found out she had holidays for Thursday and Friday the following week.  I am not sure how her school plans for the year, but these last minute holidays seem to pop up every few months.  It’s almost like they don’t realize Good Friday comes around once a year.  Sigh.  Oh, well.  With her having those two days off, I poked around on the internet to see if we could do a quick little trip to fill the time.  We haven’t made Mumbai yet, so I checked that.  Flights were too high, so that was out.  I thought, well, it’s not the right season, but what about Kerala?  So I checked the flights and decided to do it.  After confirming my co-manager wouldn’t murder me for taking off another couple days so close to this holiday, I booked it.  And then worked with a friend whose native is Kerala to plan a terrific trip.  We enjoyed the hill station of Munnar, famous for tea plantations and chill weather.  We found out first hand that hill station means mountain top, and Savannah’s stomach wasn’t a fan of the hairpin twists and turns up the side of the cliffs.  Once we reached our resort and saw the view, though, we both decided it was worth the fear factor.  We spent two nights in Munnar, enjoying a traditional Keralayan fight show, complete with rings of fire and flying men… we dined on traditional meals prepared with coconut oil as the base, which were delicious.  We took an Ayurvedic massage that left us confused, annoyed and frustrated at the outcome – seriously?  This was what all the fuss was about.  Don’t ask.  Waste of time, money and energy LOL.  We enjoyed the peace and quiet of our resort in the evenings by swinging, reading, and watching fireflies.  It was good mommy-daughter time.  And we topped off the Munnar portion with an elephant ride, which is something Savannah’s been dying to do since we got off the plane in Chennai two years ago.  We left Munnar and rode a very long way to Allepy for a houseboat ride through the backwaters.  This is the part of Kerala I was so excited about, although I wasn’t sure if it was going to live up to all the hype.  Happy to say – it was amazing and we had a fabulous time.  We had a captain and a cook, neither of which spoke English, by the way, but they both took great care of us.  The food was simply terrific and the view was just as nice.  I think we were out for nearly 5 hours and we enjoyed every minute.  Our Kerala trip that I thought was not going to happen during our time in India has been fulfilled and I am thankful for our time and opportunity to see “God’s own country” as it is lovingly referred to locally.

I came back to work on Monday and it’s now Friday and I am heading to the airport yet again in a few hours.  I am working on a project under my new position and the first week of meetings  begins Monday in Copenhagen.  I am excited and yet nervous.  I am leaving Savannah in Chennai while I travel, and the great American expats that helped us out last July aren’t available this time!  Talk about a stressed out working mom when I found out that news!  Thankfully, we have some amazing women in our church who have offered to split their time helping out and trekking all the way to the south end of the city to hang with my girl during the week so she can attend classes undisturbed.  So thankful for these fabulous women in our lives!

While we have been all over the place on planes, Dynamo has been on his own sort of holiday.  He spent our Thailand and Kerala time with his new BFF and cousin brother, Patch, who happens to be our friend Paloma’s family’s doggy.  And this week he is going to stay with the Woods family.  He is getting quite the amount of attention and I am not sure if he will ever want to come home.  Such a spoiled boy!

Sorry this went on forever, but it’s been a while.  Here are some pics of our holidays and I’ll write more on some other India-ness soon.  Big love and hugs, thanks for prayers and support for Savannah and me.  We love all our friends from around the world!



Dynamo and his cousin brother, Patch





Moped ride with my man



Michael and his moped ticket




The proposal spot in Pattaya with the same on-looking pups

 



The family in front of a massive Buddha



 

A very large Buddha



Bananas at the floating market, anyone?

On our boat heading to the village

I've got the eye of the tiger

Savannah and her monk & tiger friends

Grand Palace Family shot

Another at the Grand Palace

He humors me :)

A Hindu temple in Thailand

Savannah and I "helping" some fisherman in Kerala



The first Christian church in India, built by the early European settlers



Our lovely view from the cottage in Munnar

A little fire ring action in Kerala

A pretty girl in front of some pretty tea plantations

An elephant in Munnar

Oh, just a couple of Texan Indian Princesses atop a regal ride

This girl knows how to cut a fresh fish



Our view from the houseboat ride on the backwaters of Kerala





Sunset over the backwaters, Allepy, Kerala.



Past Due Update

I have been meaning to sit down and write a blog for a while, but life has gotten in the way. Or maybe just not knowing what to write about.  Probably a little bit of both.  Lots has been going on over here so I will try to give the highlights without boring you with the details, which we all know is not my strong suit.  In any event, let's see what I can do:

• Savannah's SAT test has been delivered to Mom & Dad's house and they will bring it with them to Thailand next week (NEXT WEEK!) and we will bring it back to India.  She will complete the test mid-April so we can send back for scoring.  Please help us pray for the 50% score she needs in order to graduate.
• We are both anxiously counting down to next Monday night, around 10 PM IST, when we board the flight heading to Bangkok & meet the parentals and Michael for a week of fun and relaxation.  My heart is happy with anticipation.
• I am excited to announce that I have accepted a position as a Customer Service Manager with Safmarine Container Lines, which is a sister company to Maersk Line, and within the Maersk Group.  I will be based in the Woodlands (Houston) office when my contract is up here in Chennai. I will transition between my current role with Maersk Line and begin working with the Safmarine team next month.  Praise God for answering prayers for a good position in Houston - doing everything I love - leading a team, working with customers, and being able to use my recently acquired knowledge of working in our Indian service centers!
• Our pastor's family has temporarily relocated to Canada, somewhat unexpectedly.  I told you about their sweet daughter, Prasansha, who passed in November.  They needed a break from India and some family time, so they booked flights home for Christmas to visit with Sheralyn's family in Florida, then Shawn's family in Canada.  Unfortunately, they were met with some obstacles with the local Foreign Registry office regarding their son's guardianship paperwork and had to postpone until they were granted an exit visa... which took several weeks and their attorney petitioning the High Court.  They made the tough decision to stay in Canad until they could get Leroy's citizenship, which could be several months.  Savannah is missing her weekends hanging out at their place, and we are missing their spiritual leadership, not to mention friendship.  Our church leaders have really stepped up and keep the services wonderful, but we all miss the Achesons, even so.  Please continue to pray for the family struggling with all the emotions of losing a daughter, sister, friend.  Savannah, too, while you're at it.  It's been tough on everyone.  We hope they will be able to come back before we leave in July but it seems unlikely at this time. 
• Savannah and I met up with our local RJ (radio jockey) friend, Paloma Rao, for a radio interview on the only English radio channel here, Chennai Live, 104.8.  We met at the new Coffee Day Square and enjoyed some delicious caffeine and good girl talk.  We talked about our experiences in Chennai, my Texas accent, what we will and won't miss come July, and she surprised us with a "rapid fire" round of questions/phrases, which I failed miserably.  We didn't get to hear the end result since we don't have a radio in the car or at home (seriously!), but Paloma said she will send the link to me soon.  I'll post here at some point or another.  We had a good time and it was another neat experience for our memory bank and Chennai-scrapbook.
• We sent a great friend-turned-sister to Savannah back to her Canadian family last week, separate from the Achesons.  Sandra came to Chennai after completing a study at the Impact School of Missions in Bangkok so she could serve in another church's ministry.  God has some slightly different plans, and He used Sandra with the Acheson family during the time they needed someone the most, and she made a great impact with our church. She was a blessing, a friend, a confidant, an organizer, a life-saver and so much more during her six month stay.  She is a godly young woman with a bright future in front of her.  I am so thankful she was here to build a strong friendship with Savannah and share her strength with the church family. 

So that's the latest and greatest here in Chennai.  I have been thinking about writing on the emotional aspects of this move back to the US, but I don't think I am quite ready to deal with all that yet.  Savannah and I are both having some mixed emotions as reality sets in deeper and deeper with every decision we make.  Oh, I forgot to mention we booked our flights home.  July 7, 2014, we will leave India as residents and return to the US.  That's been a big decision we've been grappling with, moving from excitement to sadness to fear to confusion and everything in between.  Anyway, more on that another time.  We send our love and thanks for your continued prayers, cheer leading, and support.  Below are a few pictures and I'll post more when we get back from our upcoming Thai holiday!  Sending thoughts for peace and the love of Christ to each of you!

Our FB post from Paloma's page

My future...

An AWESOME group of folks from the Word of Life, Chennai

Sandra, an honorary Grant girl

Philosophical Nikki

To whine or not to whine?  That is the question.  I could very easily whine about what a crappy week this has been. Obviously, I feel like it’s whine-worthy. But then I ask myself what benefit will this bring?  I can whine about a few different things… India.  Work.  My poor kiddo.  Her school.  Her principal.  Our hot water heater.  Family back in the US. But will whining actually do anything? Will it even make me feel better or will I just have verbalized (or written) some negativity and put it out there to the world?  I am reluctant to say I will not whine.  Because, by nature, I am a whiner.  Most of my closest friends and even some of my not-so-closest friends know this about me.  If I am too cold, too hot, too tired, too hungry, too full, too caffeinated, under caffeinated, too broke, too alone, too crowded, too ANYTHING, and you are around, you will probably hear about it.  Since my time in India, I have worked hard at reigning in my whininess.  It’s hard to understand until you put it into practice, but using the gratitude method (being very thankful for everything you DO have or CAN have instead of what you do not or cannot) makes a HUGE difference in your mindset and those people who are lucky enough to come into contact with you.  I wonder if my friends from Word of Life realize how whiney I am?  Or have I done  a good job on this mission while living here and kept it “under wraps?” And that doesn’t mean I don’t feel too this or too that.  It doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated and just fake the emotion of NOT feeling whatever whiney way it is at that moment.  It simply means I choose to think about it from a different perspective.  Example – It’s hot here this week.  Like high 80’s and humid-sun-blaring-sweating-while-walking-the dog hot.   But it’s terrific in the early morning when I get home from work and we walk a few loops around the building.  And I know that while we are out sweating at 3 PM.  And I also know my friends in the US are under crazy amounts of snow or ice and freezing their booties off, so I won’t complain about a little heat.  I guess the easy way to think about it is to consciously shift the perspective.  I am working on it.  But, MAN!  Some weeks are harder than others.  Some principals make it really difficult to try and show the Christian love I know I need to. Some days waking up early to run around the hot, loud city to complete ridiculous errands that should not be required make me really want to whine. Sometimes knowing my girl’s heart is still hurting so much from missing her little Princess Prasansha now that we are back in Chennai makes me want to whine.  In times like these, I am working hard to turn to scriptures and remind myself that God is there for us.  When we are angry, sad, frustrated, furious, broken, our loving Savior is there extending his Holy arms and providing supernatural comfort.  The kind of comfort we can’t get from anywhere or anyone else, no matter how hard we try. It’s taken me a few years (about 37) but I am finally getting it.  Not only can I find comfort in His Word, but listening to praise and worship music and letting that goodness fill up my ears, I find that it spills over to my heart and I feel better.  I went home from work yesterday in a much better mood than when I arrived. Dynamo and I did about 4 loops around the building together in the crisp, cool air in the early morning quiet of Padur.  I enjoyed an episode of the Ellen show, ate a bite, and slept much better and more peacefully than the day prior.

We got some great news this week – Savannah CAN graduate this year.  She will need to meet the credit requirements and pass a 12^th grade standard achievement test with at least a 50% score.  No problems there.  There was a problem of having that test administered.  I was able to contact a company who provides these tests in the US and found out I can actually administer it to her myself!  Praise God! Tick that off the list – now to prep her for the test and keep her focus on completing her studies.  Light at the end of a multiple-month battle tunnel!

Hmm what else?  I posted all of ourLondon and trip home pics on Picasa. There are entirely too many and I am sure they will bore you to tears, but if you haven’t seen London, at least flip through and see what you are missing out on.  Then plan a trip.  It’s amazing.  And, of course, our family time at home was fun so there is some good stuff in that album.  It took a while, because, HEY, I live in India and the internet is a heck of a lot slower than that in the US.  Why didn’t I post them there?  Good question. I guess because I am a ding a ling.  Oh, well.

We did plan our trip to Thailand – looking forward to the first week of April when Savannah and I will meet Mom, Dad and Michael in Bangkok.  Airfare bought and tour/hotel plans in the works. I am really excited and looking forward to it!  We are still hoping to squeeze in a trip to Kerala, “God’s own country,” but that’s gonna be a big dent in the wallet and fitting it in before their rainy season is looking doubtful.  But I am trying!! We would love a weekend in Mumbai, too, but (again) that costs rupees that just aren’t there.  If anyone wants to pay off my student loans for me I can do all this travelin’ fun.  Anyone?  Anyone?  Yeah, darn it, that’s what I thought.  Haha

So… yeah, I guess that’s about it for us. Of course I will ask for you to keep us in your thoughts and prayers, especially for comfort and peace for Savannah’s heart. In the meantime, we send our love and hugs across the ocean and around the world to you, our wonderful friends and family.  Happy wishes for a great weekend and try to remember how blessed you are, instead of how much you lack if that happens to pop into your head.  It works!!

December Better get Better REAL Quick-like

So… Indian hospitals.  We took Savannah to the one by our house back in May when she had a month of stomach issues – near daily vomiting after a pretty ugly virus – for an ER visit.  And she swore she wouldn’t go back to that one or any other.  My daughter is a bit of a medical wimp.  She gets it honest, really… I am not much braver.  I still faint when I have blood drawn.  But I am an adult and use logic and know when things need to happen and tests need to be run and so on.  She is a teenager and doesn’t quite understand all that.  Of course nobody WANTS to have blood drawn, injections or hospital stays.  But most people, when feeling bad enough, will concede and let logic take over the fear or emotion involved.  Not my kid.  She is SO hard headed.  She might get that honest, too…   I knew when she called me into her room around 5 AM on Monday that something was wrong.  I found her with a fever, trembling and looking pretty terrible.  I gave her a couple Tylenol, a big cup of water, a cold rag on her neck and lay down with her.  She had been complaining all weekend about knots on her head behind her right ear.  That pain, coupled with the fever was enough for me.  I sent Gideon a message to let him know we needed to get her into the doctor on the same day.  And last time we were there, the doc suggested a hospital stay to do all necessary tests in one shot.  Knowing Savannah well enough, I declined but kept it in the back of my head.  Monday morning I changed my mind.  I had to figure out how to break the news to my anxiety-ridden daughter.  I decided we were going with me sneaking a packed bag into the car and letting the doctor be the mean one.  Yep, I am THAT mom.  And it was a good plan.  Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to work because all her clothes, for once, were in her room and not out in the wash area (AKA dining area).  Dang it all!  So then I decided we would go with the love and logic route.  After giving myself a pep talk and knowing as long as I keep my emotions in check (have I mentioned I am a crier these days?) and sound positive, loving, and concerned, she will have to understand and agree that the hospital admission is the way to go. Right?  Wrong.  This child used every ounce of her energy, which wasn’t much, to argue, yell, physically get in the way of me packing a bag and then locked herself in the bathroom, refusing to go.  Yep.  My sixteen-year-old turned into a toddler.  And honestly, I expected it.  She’s terrified.  She’s sick.  She’s miserable.  And I was forcing her to do the very thing she was most against.  So after I raised my voice she left the room and let me pack her bag.  That was when she locked herself in the bathroom.  When I told her if she didn’t open the door I would have the maintenance men come by and take it off the hinges (and I was serious), she angrily complied.  I was too stressed to use logic anymore and emotion took over.  I cried when I told her I don’t know what is wrong with her and we can’t figure it out until she gets more tests.  I told her I was sorry she’s already had blood drawn three times and nothing has come back conclusive.  I told her I wish there was another way, but let’s make the best decision and get her admitted, get any and all tests done in one shot and get her well.  I reminded her she has already missed over FOUR weeks of school and if she really wants to graduate this year then she has to get back in there and get caught up.  I reminded her that in less than three weeks we are heading back to Texas for our holiday break and she needs to be healthy enough to travel, not to mention enjoy her time there.  I told her I don’t always know the right or best decision, but I know we need to do this to get her well.  She was still angry, wouldn’t speak to me, but got dressed.

We picked up Gideon on the way and she was silent for the entire car ride.  We met the doctor a little over an hour later.  He was concerned with her high fever, asked a few questions which she refused to answer since she was still in non-speaking teenager mode.  I answered most of the questions, but the doctor wanted to hear from her.  He is a nice man.  He understands her anxiety and spoke to her with compassion.  He explained that the tests already taken do not indicate what is wrong and he wants to do a few more and observe her.  She finally acknowledges him but says she doesn’t want to be admitted.  Ultimately, she was admitted and the first test to be done was a CT scan. 

Monday night passed pretty quickly.  She had quite a few visitors and she was in pretty good spirits (Thank you to those who came and took the heat off mean mom!)  There was no CT scan, though.  I asked at least five times and the nurses all said they were checking or the scan centre was full and would call when it’s time.  They never called.  When I went out at 3 am to ask for a blanket (again) and just stood at the nurse’s station until a blanket came, I asked about the CT scan.  One of the girls told me it was now scheduled for 8 AM and they would come get us.  OK.  Blanket in hand, back to the – oh, let’s call it a “bed” – in the room and a few hours of tossing and turning with a few naps woven in there, 8 AM comes.  Shortly after, I am up and walking to the door to go find out, and a nurse comes in, hands Savannah some hospital issue clothes to change into and a wheelchair for the ride down.  She does the scans for her chest and abdomen after a small wait and heads back to the room.  In the meantime, we snuck a visitor in outside of visiting hours (yes, we are quite the rule-breakers!) and she shared some smiles and laughs with her friend, Sandra, while we waited.  Not too long after Sandra left, Gideon came by to check on the patient.  She was still having the pain behind her ear and the usual no-appetite, but nothing else at the moment.  The nurse came back a bit later and said the scans were clear, which was good news.  But it didn’t tell us what was wrong.  Sigh.  After a couple hours, the doctor called Gideon and said she would stay another night as we wait for a fever.  It was sounding like malaria was the culprit, but it will often only show up during a blood test taken when the infected has a fever.  So, oddly, we were hoping and praying for a fever.  Praying for a fever and a diagnosis and a treatment plan and health.  But no fever came.  Tuesday ended, we are mid-afternoon Wednesday and there’s still no fever.  So it’s about time to start the discharge process, which is fine.  I am over being here.  Savannah is over being here.  There isn’t anything productive going on, no real monitoring of her food, drink or other levels.  Nothing I can’t do in the comfort of our own home, anyway.  Like everything else here, I am sure the discharge process will take time.  I don’t expect to leave before at least two hours pass, probably three.  Maybe they’ll surprise me.  (PS, editing from home and it took a cool 3.5 hours to discharge…)

So the next steps… wait for a fever.  Take her to local clinic and get a blood test if and when it comes back.  Make her eat.  Make her drink.  Pray.  Then, when we get back to Houston, take her to see her regular doctor.  Maybe the comforts of the good ol’ USA will help ease her anxiety and we can complete some tests there.  Suggestions include another blood test (won’t she be thrilled?) and endoscopy (another fun conversation, I am sure) to start.  We will bring all her records with us so he can see everything we have done and get his thoughts…

Changing the subject completely, and while I realize this is really long, I need to let you know that little Prasansha passed away last Thursday.  She was in a lot of pain from the tumors and left us around 2 PM IST.  Indian customs surrounding death are quite different than that of the western world.  Christians in India are buried.  Hindus are cremated.  There’s no crossover or option for this to vary.  And there’s no funeral parlor to come pick up the family member (she passed at their home) and prepare the body for burial.  Generally there is a refrigerated box brought to the home or a place of the family’s choosing in which the deceased is displayed for friends, family and neighbors to come and pay respects.  Or gawk.  Or who knows what else.  The Acheson’s did not want that, so they went with a same-day burial.  Fortunately, another family handled all arrangements when Prasansha first fell sick a few weeks back, so this was possible.  The casket people came to measure her.  Dr. Rajiv from our church came by and helped prepare her little body by cleaning and dressing her.  The service was set for 5:30 PM at a nearby cemetery.  The casket guys came back around 5 ready to pick up and transport her body.  Turned out the little casket was an inch or two too short. As with most things here, proper measurements were not taken and they eye-balled it.  And her little legs were bent at the knees.  Shawn mentioned this was pretty normal for India – “good enough” – but in the US (and Canada, from which they hail), good enough is NOT good enough.  We expect perfection and we expect above and beyond.  Keeping in mind her soul was gone to be with Jesus and it was only her “earthly vessel” – it had to be OK.  (I don’t know what they are called here, so we will keep referring to the casket guys as such.) The casket guys carried her downstairs from the apartment with no lid and put her into a beat up little van.  Again, back home this would not be acceptable.  The departed would be taken by a nice and clean, shiny hearse from one place to another, so this was just overwhelming.  The Acheson house emptied and we all went to the cemetery.  The most crowded cemetery I have ever seen.  Now, I don’t do cemeteries or ghost stories or scary walks around Halloween like some people do.  I don’t like to be scared, so maybe there are crowded cemeteries like this back in the US, but I am ok not knowing this.  We got there as the sun was setting and the casket guys kept telling Shawn and Sheralyn they should have done it earlier to avoid being there after dark.  Thanks for the newsflash.  Things happened as fast as India would let them, and we were all there now.  Sheralyn’s mom was Skyped in for the quick eulogy.  Well, I think it was quick.  I don’t remember a lot.  I didn’t hear what the pastor who was speaking said.  I remember they offered to let everyone walk by the casket, which was already in the shallow grave, before they put the lid on.  I chose not to see her after she passed.  She was very thin last weekend and that was hard enough for me to see.  I know she lost more weight in the next few days.  I wanted to remember her with her little chipmunk cheeks, big smile and sweet fresh head of hair instead of the sickly little girl who came in the last three weeks.  After everyone who wanted to had filed by, they hammered the lid on.  Yes. They hammered the lid on.  Drove the nails in.  Right there.   Man, it was hard to hear.  And to see the kids crying over the loss of their friend.  And sister.  Leroy, her six-year old brother, stayed in Shawn’s arms and cried during most of the service.  Realization that his little buddy had left was setting in.  Mcartney, her 11-year old sister, is more analytical and logical about it.  Or else the reality hasn’t made its way to her yet.  We will miss that sweet girl.  So funny, so happy, and so confident after only a few short months with the Acheson family.  We are blessed to have known her and will always have a little spot on our hearts carved out just for Princess Prasansha of Nepal, adopted by Canadians living in India. 

I am sure I have left out some important parts of the days leading up to and hours during and after and days following her death.  It has been a whirlwind of emotions here the past weeks and days.  I am amazed at the faith and strength Shawn and Sher are able to have during such a difficult time.  They came to visit Savannah Monday.  Less than a week after they buried their baby girl, they were here for us, offering moral, spiritual and support as friends and family.  I don’t understand how they can be at a hospital so quickly, but they are.  They know she is with our Savior, dancing and laughing, in no more pain.  They know she spent her last almost year building her confidence with the love of a family.  They know she died peacefully.  Loved by not only a family, but knowing the love of Jesus Christ.  We should all be so lucky to have that spiritual confidence at any age.  We will miss her.  The Acheson’s will host a celebration of life service next Monday or Tuesday evening so all those who could not attend her burial can help remember Prasansha.

OK.  So this is long enough.  I am hoping the next blog post will be about how Savannah is healed and back to her normal bratty teenager self.  We both thank you for your continued prayers and thoughts as we move through some tougher times here in India.  We are looking forward to a little H-town love from our family and friends in the upcoming few weeks.  And Tex-Mex.  I am pretty sure I’ll feel better after I have some Guadalajara in my belly… after a few big hugs from my parents, brother and family, and Michael, to start.  Again, we appreciate your prayers, warm thoughts and good vibes as we work to figure out what is ailing Savannah and for our safe travels mid-month.  You are all a blessing to us!  Love from Chennai!