As a girl who grew up in the same house, went to the same set of schools with the same set of friends, and lived within a 7 mile radius until I was 35, there weren't a lot of good byes due to moving and such. When the house was packed up last July into the storage and container bins, I just cried and cried. It was so WEIRD seeing my house empty. It didn't feel like home. I have now been home twice since last July and, very selfishly, do not want to visit my friend living in my house because I think I will get emotional about it not being my house anymore...
My parents told me last month they had bought a house and were closing in early August. I was very happy for them, as they had been looking for a while and were ready to take the plunge. They probably overstayed their welcome in the house they bought 40+ years ago. They were some of the first neighbors on the block, and some of the last few original owners left when they officially moved out this past Saturday. While I truly was very happy for my parents, I was very sad for me. Yes, I am pretty selfish sometimes, it seems. I was so sad that I was not going to get a chance to go back to the house my brother and I grew up in and say good bye. I was so sad that the house where the hooks in the middle of the garage from Savannah's toddler swing that she basically lived in every night while I worked late when Mom picked her up from Mary's and the pink and purple room with her name on the shelves wouldn't be greeting us when we came back for our Christmas visit. I was so sad that the house that held so many memories of my entire life, as far back as I can remember, until just this past December, would not be where we lay our head on the next visit. Of course, I didn't tell my parents any of these selfish woes, as I knew it was past time for them to move onto a newer and more well-kept neighborhood. Happily, they chose a house that is only a few minutes away from mine in a very close neighborhood for when I move back to Texas. Definitely a bonus for me. Along with all these selfish-Nikki thoughts were the guilty-daughter thoughts of how I wish I could be there to help them pack, identifying what to take, toss and donate, especially considering I did this only a year ago with a 15 year old house (and Danielle the moving Nazi BFF to guide me), and they had 40+ years' worth of stuff to go through... it is a daunting task and oh, how I wished I could help. I tried to offer a bit of advice here and there over text messages or phone calls and emails to Mom, but it just wasn't the same. I felt bad. And sad.
Fast forward to July 23. Savannah is sick. Again. Vomiting and fever. This girl has never had so many stomach issues in her entire 16 years as she has had since we arrived here. This time is similar to the early May time when she was sick right before her birthday and my parents' & Michael's visit... bad stuff. I had to stay home and be with her. And my internet was down so I could not log on to work from home. Which was also bad stuff, since my co-manager was in the States at the time, meeting our Houston and Charlotte colleagues. Despite repeated attempts at getting the internet fixed, Airtel finally told me it would not happen until the next day, so I was stuck. No working. So just worrying. Checking on Savannah. Cool, wet washcloths on her face & neck. Sips of water, bribery attempts of Gatorade that didn't get me very far, and only wound up coming back up. Fever nearly 101 F, which is high for her. And then a text message from my mom, since I had no other form of communication: My Granny had passed away.
My heart sank. I lost my breath. How could it be? She fought it for so long. Between dementia, Alzheimer's, old age (87) and every other issue that cropped up, she was a fighter. When I left last July, I cried when we left and told her good bye. I really thought that was the last time I would see her. I was pretty happy when we got to spend time with her again in December. She was more lucid and talkative that trip than she had been for a few visits when I left in July. She knew Kameryn was Kameryn (she often mistook her for Savannah at that age), she knew Savannah was Savannah (she often mistook her for my cousin Shelly), and she knew who I was. She wasn't quite sure about Kate, but when I reminded her Brett and Lisa had another baby, she figured that was plausible and was happy to meet her (again). She played with Kam and enjoyed chatting with us. We didn't tell her we were living in India and it didn't come up. It was a good visit. Here's a picture of Kameryn giving Granny some big hugs before we left.
So Granny was sick off and on, but my Aunt Gale took great care of her, making sure she was in a nice facility and had the care she needed. Dad went by to visit often. I know it wasn't easy on them or their spouses, but they did what they needed to do. Sometimes Granny's dementia made her ornery or just plain cranky and mean, so a visit might have been cut short, but they would go right back in a day or two and hope for better results. Savannah and I usually went on Sundays after church before we moved and tried to bring Kate and Kam as often as we could, since we knew how much Granny loved the babies. She would tell us funny stories she must have dreamed up. One of our favorites was how Kameryn (sometimes this is when she confused Kam for Savannah at her age) snuck out of her house and went to spend the night with Granny. And nobody knew where that girl had gone, and her momma and daddy were so worried about her, but she just told her, "It's OK, Granny. I am just gonna sleep here in your bed with you. They can get me later!" Yes, Granny had quite the active imagination and could not figure out how the 3 or 4 year old made it the 15-20 mile trek all on her own, but, by golly, she did it because she loved and missed her Granny! Funny stuff.
OK back to our story.... So Savannah is sick, running fever and can't keep anything down. I have no internet or phone to call internationally. And it is about 3 AM in India. I need to get a hold of HR, get details of my bereavement/compassion time and find a flight back to Houston. I need to get home to my family. Oh, and I need to get my kid well. And I need to be working because Asif is in the US. And I need to get details from HR. And I need to call my family. And I need to be on a plane. And I need to.... yes, this was my brain for a few hours. I was so fortunate that my 3G was working on my phone and used work IM to get a hold of US HR and get a few details I needed to get the going-home ball rolling. And then I stayed awake long enough to call my admin Super-Man, Gideon, and get some help getting Savannah in to see a doctor. I had to get her well. And I needed to do laundry. And pack. But I couldn't tell Savannah until I knew she would be OK and not make herself sicker, because she and Granny were very close. Sigh. This living 10,000 miles away from home business is pretty stressful at times. Airtel came out at some point and fixed the internet. I am pretty sure I napped for a few hours somewhere in that day. Savannah's fever dropped and she successfully held down water. I waited on HR to confirm approval for travel. We still traveled the nearly two hours in traffic to see the doctor, although the kiddo was feeling a bit better. On the way, she started feeling pretty puny again. We had planned a long weekend to Bangalore - our first real "out of Chennai" trip - as she was out of school Friday-Tuesday, and she was trying to get me to confirm the trip would still happen and she was determined to get better. I skirted around the conversation and said she had to get better before I could plan anything, but told her she might want to get a shot to get better sooner. She was not having any part of that conversation. I finally had to tell her we needed to go home. And then Granny had passed. It was a quiet trip to the doctor's office, but she conceded to a shot if necessary. He said it was just a bug and she could travel as long as she wasn't vomiting. So it looked promising. Until we got in the car and headed home. Then we were thankful we had a plastic bag with us... Ugh. We finally got home. I checked and there were still a few Friday early departure seats left. I was ready to book it. But she was still vomiting and the fever came back. Talk about a stressed-out mom... Back to the washrags, Gatorade and water-sipping. Prayers for my girl to get better so we can book and leave and make it to the service on Saturday, begging God to get her well so we can be back with the family. I was so worried about my dad. I just wanted to hug him and be with him.
She woke up around 9 feeling better. I got confirmation by noon that the flight was booked. Of course nothing could be that easy around here... as I tried to log onto my work laptop with my working internet, the wifi would not connect. No issues on my phone or personal laptop, but the work one wasn't connecting. So I had to call IT to ask them to look at it, call my driver to come pick it up and take it to the office, coordinate getting Dynamo over to our Lakshmi's house, pack and everything else. Savannah didn't have a lot of energy still, so she wasn't much help. Guess who was? Yep, poor Gideon! he coordinated the laptop repair and doggy movement, offered sending help to pack or escort to the airport for us. Think maybe I sounded a little stressed to him? LOL In any event, we made it. Once our rear ends were on the plane at 4 AM on Friday morning, I think I finally started breathing again. 21 hours later we were in Houston and within another half an hour I was hugging my Daddy. Relief!
Yes, this is long. Sorry. Almost done, promise. The next two weeks flew by. We had a lovely viewing and service for Granny. She was at peace. It was good. I got to catch up with cousins I only get to see on Facebook, and spend time with my family. We got to celebrate with my mom on her birthday. I got uninturrupted daughter/parent time with a day trip, just us. We got to help my parents move. I got to help my mom place some decorative pieces in the new home. I got to say good bye to the house I grew up in. And I only cried a little. I got to go see a play with Danielle, which I was super jealous "everyone" was going to see but me. Michael took vacation the second week and we got some alone time together for a couple days. He helped my parents with the new house, too. My brother and his wife spent a lot of time with us helping with the move, too, and I got to love on my nieces.
It was a quick and hectic trip. But God knew when we needed to get home. God knew Savannah was missing her cousins and needed a little boost to push us through the end of 2013. God knew my parents needed us home to help get through the move. And God knew I needed to say good bye
I am more and more thankful every day. I know God hears our heart, even when we don't know exactly what we are feeling...
My parents told me last month they had bought a house and were closing in early August. I was very happy for them, as they had been looking for a while and were ready to take the plunge. They probably overstayed their welcome in the house they bought 40+ years ago. They were some of the first neighbors on the block, and some of the last few original owners left when they officially moved out this past Saturday. While I truly was very happy for my parents, I was very sad for me. Yes, I am pretty selfish sometimes, it seems. I was so sad that I was not going to get a chance to go back to the house my brother and I grew up in and say good bye. I was so sad that the house where the hooks in the middle of the garage from Savannah's toddler swing that she basically lived in every night while I worked late when Mom picked her up from Mary's and the pink and purple room with her name on the shelves wouldn't be greeting us when we came back for our Christmas visit. I was so sad that the house that held so many memories of my entire life, as far back as I can remember, until just this past December, would not be where we lay our head on the next visit. Of course, I didn't tell my parents any of these selfish woes, as I knew it was past time for them to move onto a newer and more well-kept neighborhood. Happily, they chose a house that is only a few minutes away from mine in a very close neighborhood for when I move back to Texas. Definitely a bonus for me. Along with all these selfish-Nikki thoughts were the guilty-daughter thoughts of how I wish I could be there to help them pack, identifying what to take, toss and donate, especially considering I did this only a year ago with a 15 year old house (and Danielle the moving Nazi BFF to guide me), and they had 40+ years' worth of stuff to go through... it is a daunting task and oh, how I wished I could help. I tried to offer a bit of advice here and there over text messages or phone calls and emails to Mom, but it just wasn't the same. I felt bad. And sad.
Fast forward to July 23. Savannah is sick. Again. Vomiting and fever. This girl has never had so many stomach issues in her entire 16 years as she has had since we arrived here. This time is similar to the early May time when she was sick right before her birthday and my parents' & Michael's visit... bad stuff. I had to stay home and be with her. And my internet was down so I could not log on to work from home. Which was also bad stuff, since my co-manager was in the States at the time, meeting our Houston and Charlotte colleagues. Despite repeated attempts at getting the internet fixed, Airtel finally told me it would not happen until the next day, so I was stuck. No working. So just worrying. Checking on Savannah. Cool, wet washcloths on her face & neck. Sips of water, bribery attempts of Gatorade that didn't get me very far, and only wound up coming back up. Fever nearly 101 F, which is high for her. And then a text message from my mom, since I had no other form of communication: My Granny had passed away.
My heart sank. I lost my breath. How could it be? She fought it for so long. Between dementia, Alzheimer's, old age (87) and every other issue that cropped up, she was a fighter. When I left last July, I cried when we left and told her good bye. I really thought that was the last time I would see her. I was pretty happy when we got to spend time with her again in December. She was more lucid and talkative that trip than she had been for a few visits when I left in July. She knew Kameryn was Kameryn (she often mistook her for Savannah at that age), she knew Savannah was Savannah (she often mistook her for my cousin Shelly), and she knew who I was. She wasn't quite sure about Kate, but when I reminded her Brett and Lisa had another baby, she figured that was plausible and was happy to meet her (again). She played with Kam and enjoyed chatting with us. We didn't tell her we were living in India and it didn't come up. It was a good visit. Here's a picture of Kameryn giving Granny some big hugs before we left.
 |
| Kam & Granny, Dec, 2012 |
OK back to our story.... So Savannah is sick, running fever and can't keep anything down. I have no internet or phone to call internationally. And it is about 3 AM in India. I need to get a hold of HR, get details of my bereavement/compassion time and find a flight back to Houston. I need to get home to my family. Oh, and I need to get my kid well. And I need to be working because Asif is in the US. And I need to get details from HR. And I need to call my family. And I need to be on a plane. And I need to.... yes, this was my brain for a few hours. I was so fortunate that my 3G was working on my phone and used work IM to get a hold of US HR and get a few details I needed to get the going-home ball rolling. And then I stayed awake long enough to call my admin Super-Man, Gideon, and get some help getting Savannah in to see a doctor. I had to get her well. And I needed to do laundry. And pack. But I couldn't tell Savannah until I knew she would be OK and not make herself sicker, because she and Granny were very close. Sigh. This living 10,000 miles away from home business is pretty stressful at times. Airtel came out at some point and fixed the internet. I am pretty sure I napped for a few hours somewhere in that day. Savannah's fever dropped and she successfully held down water. I waited on HR to confirm approval for travel. We still traveled the nearly two hours in traffic to see the doctor, although the kiddo was feeling a bit better. On the way, she started feeling pretty puny again. We had planned a long weekend to Bangalore - our first real "out of Chennai" trip - as she was out of school Friday-Tuesday, and she was trying to get me to confirm the trip would still happen and she was determined to get better. I skirted around the conversation and said she had to get better before I could plan anything, but told her she might want to get a shot to get better sooner. She was not having any part of that conversation. I finally had to tell her we needed to go home. And then Granny had passed. It was a quiet trip to the doctor's office, but she conceded to a shot if necessary. He said it was just a bug and she could travel as long as she wasn't vomiting. So it looked promising. Until we got in the car and headed home. Then we were thankful we had a plastic bag with us... Ugh. We finally got home. I checked and there were still a few Friday early departure seats left. I was ready to book it. But she was still vomiting and the fever came back. Talk about a stressed-out mom... Back to the washrags, Gatorade and water-sipping. Prayers for my girl to get better so we can book and leave and make it to the service on Saturday, begging God to get her well so we can be back with the family. I was so worried about my dad. I just wanted to hug him and be with him.
She woke up around 9 feeling better. I got confirmation by noon that the flight was booked. Of course nothing could be that easy around here... as I tried to log onto my work laptop with my working internet, the wifi would not connect. No issues on my phone or personal laptop, but the work one wasn't connecting. So I had to call IT to ask them to look at it, call my driver to come pick it up and take it to the office, coordinate getting Dynamo over to our Lakshmi's house, pack and everything else. Savannah didn't have a lot of energy still, so she wasn't much help. Guess who was? Yep, poor Gideon! he coordinated the laptop repair and doggy movement, offered sending help to pack or escort to the airport for us. Think maybe I sounded a little stressed to him? LOL In any event, we made it. Once our rear ends were on the plane at 4 AM on Friday morning, I think I finally started breathing again. 21 hours later we were in Houston and within another half an hour I was hugging my Daddy. Relief!
Yes, this is long. Sorry. Almost done, promise. The next two weeks flew by. We had a lovely viewing and service for Granny. She was at peace. It was good. I got to catch up with cousins I only get to see on Facebook, and spend time with my family. We got to celebrate with my mom on her birthday. I got uninturrupted daughter/parent time with a day trip, just us. We got to help my parents move. I got to help my mom place some decorative pieces in the new home. I got to say good bye to the house I grew up in. And I only cried a little. I got to go see a play with Danielle, which I was super jealous "everyone" was going to see but me. Michael took vacation the second week and we got some alone time together for a couple days. He helped my parents with the new house, too. My brother and his wife spent a lot of time with us helping with the move, too, and I got to love on my nieces.
It was a quick and hectic trip. But God knew when we needed to get home. God knew Savannah was missing her cousins and needed a little boost to push us through the end of 2013. God knew my parents needed us home to help get through the move. And God knew I needed to say good bye
I am more and more thankful every day. I know God hears our heart, even when we don't know exactly what we are feeling...
Psalm 18:6 (NIV)
6 In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
my cry came before him, into his ears.
We are back in Chennai for about 28 hours now. I worked last night and Savannah will be getting up for school soon. Back to the normalcy of never-ending honking, cows blocking traffic and being stared at for being too pale. But it's also back to the church family and friends we missed so much. Back to snoozing with Dynamo and watching the world around us through a fresh set of eyes. Back to feeling thankful.
Hope everyone is doing well and we really appreciate the prayers and thoughts for our safe journey and healing of Savannah. Your notes of encouragement and condolences helped get us through. Thank you all. We love you!
No comments:
Post a Comment