It's been quite a week for us. What started out feeling pretty normal quickly turned into crisis. Anyone who knows or knew a 15-year old can understand how this happens. I guess between hormones, bottled up emotions and the stress of semester exams all week, she was bound to blow. I knew since we had gotten back from the US holiday she had been down. She was quieter than usual, missing her friends and dance team more recently than before the trip, just not herself. Last Saturday last week she decided to skip an optional school function (a celebration of the Indian Republic Day) and not tell me. This resulted in some chaos and panic because she missed her ride home and I had to make arrangements for a car to pick her up. It was a planned day off for our driver, and putting her in an auto was not safe or realistic for the long distance from the campus to our flat and even a service like Fast Track wasn't safe without someone else with her. So... can you guess what I did? Yep, I called Gideon. Fortunately, he was able to send a car to get her and put it on my work tab. Quite an ordeal and she and I had words when she got home and she went to her room for the evening. We did not talk a lot on Sunday or Monday. I was pretty angry for her changing plans without telling me, which resulted in a lot of unnecessary stress and coordination from me, Gideon, and her front office staff. She was pretty fed up with India, come to find out. Tuesday we talked about the possibility of sending her back to the US. Were we really to that point? Was it possible that my daughter was ready to call this adventure off and go back to America? I couldn't believe it. I was sad. Hurt. Scared. Still frustrated, but mostly worried. Tuesday night I went to work in a bit of a fog. Worked and took care of business, but had a gnawing feeling in the back of my mind. What would I do?
Wednesday she came home and I didn't go to the gym because I needed to talk to her. We had to figure this out. She had culture shock from the return trip home. I knew it, but I also knew she was stronger than the emotions and could tough it out. Well, after a little bit of talking, it turned into crying. Sobbing. Teenage hysteria. She HAD to move back to the US because school was terrible, she doesn't have friends outside of the four to five people in her class, who she never sees outside of school, we don't go anywhere and she is SO different than everyone here. People talk about her in the local language, people stare, she will never fit in and she wants to be back where the is the norm. Of course, I felt like the biggest loser mom on the planet since I prevented none of this. I saw her being sad and didn't do anything about it. So, working to fix the situation, and since it was time for me to leave and she was still not OK for me to leave, I told my boss I needed to stay home that night. I worked from home online after she went to bed. She still wasn't much better when it was time to sleep. Rough night. My co-manager suggested that I take off and/or work from home for the rest of the week to spend some quality time with my girl. At first I thought there was no way, it has been so busy, but the more I thought about it, I had to make sure she knew she was my priority. So, a little reluctantly, but knowing it was the right decision, I asked for the rest of the week off with the intention of signing on after she went to bed and staying up with e mails and being available on IM. It worked out well.
Thursday afternoon she came home from school and sat down to do some studying. I told her I was off and asked if she wanted to go to dinner. Somewhat begrudgingly, she agreed and we went to a new place that Gideon recommended. It was amazing. Pricier than my cheap self would pay normally, but it was nice to go somewhere new and enjoy a terrific meal in a wonderful ambiance. We talked for a bit and eventually reached an agreement that she would stay here and complete the school year. It is through April, so that is only three months and she can decide then what she will do. She wasn't thrilled about the deal - really was ready to hop on a plane this weekend - but I think she would regret it later in life. I know it's hard now. But I know the end result of this will be life changing for both of us, and only in good ways.
OK let's fast forward because you know I can't tell a short story. Thursday night, dinner, talk, bed for her, work for me. Friday night, went to visit our friend Tom's wife, Cherie (the Americans who moved here from Copenhagen in Dec.) and then dinner again, at a place of her choice, bed for her and work for me.
Saturday we had plans with Maggie and Diana from our office to take us around shopping, try to find a new school uniform tailor for Savannah and see some areas we have not visited yet (there's a lot of those to be seen!). So at noon we were in the car and heading towards Velachery to pick up Diana. Savannah was excited to see a McDonald's and plans to return soon LOL. With Diana in the car, we headed toward Egmore to meet Maggie for some shopping of materials to have a selvar made for Savannah. And, as it turned out, for me, too. We enjoyed a great fresh juice shop (twice, it was so good) and even tried our first tender coconut juice. It was pretty tasty and we know it's so good for us, we even ate the inside, which was an interesting texture. A little slimy, but not much taste to it. After we had our materials in hand, we went to be measured by the tailor. We had to select the style and collar shape and length and I don't know what else. Thank goodness for Maggie and Diana to tell us what is "in fashion" (Savannah was so worried about that!) and what would look nice on us. After the tailor we went over toward Parrys (pronounced Paris) for some more shopping, but first a stop on the way at Chennai's most famous place for omelet bread. Mmmm this was some GOOD STUFF. So we had our snack and were ready for some serious shopping. While in India, I am bound and determined to go to a wedding. I would really like to go to A LOT of weddings, but it's been seven months and I haven't made one yet. Our Kenya expat has been to TWO and she came after me! I am sad. And maybe a little jealous. So I told my comanagers to hook me up, and apparently our issue is that we work overnights when these things are happening... So I will be scoping out all the upcoming weddings and seriously considering just walking into one if an invite doesn't happen soon... It's "marriage season" right now and EVERY weekend (Thurs/Fri nights) we see lots and lots of marriages taking place. On the ECR we travel often, we have seen brides and grooms in a horse drawn carriage two weeks in a row! We pass the entrance sign and I tell Savannah, "Ohhhh let's go crash it! You know they won't kick the white girls out." And she rolls her eyes. But the driver knows I am intrigued and every time he sees one, he says, "Madam, marriage. Look." I bet one day he pulls over and tells me, "Come" and we walk in. LOL
Anyway, since I want to go to a wedding/marriage ceremony, I figure I need to be ready at a moment's notice and decided to buy a sari and came home with a beautiful blue one, kind of like this. And FINALLY my fair skin worked in my favor. The shop owner was telling Maggie one price (all in Tamil) and she was holding firm it should be less, quite a bit less. After him telling her since she is his sister (Indian) why would he give her such a price? But since it was for me, the American, he is happy to reduce the price. What??? Yay for this working in my favor for once!! So then we went across the way and bought fancy jewelry to go with it... And we bought Savannah an age-appropriate dress that she wanted for when I drag her along to a wedding. I can't find a proper picture of it since I cannot remember what it's called, but it is a three piece suit with a flowy skirt, kinda looks like this on the left in the blue. Hers is purple and pink. She finally decided after hitting about 5 shops and me agreeing to pay more than I set out to pay - but still knowing it was a good price because it was a wholesale area and Maggie said it was worth every rupee. Plus it was after 9PM and we were starving and tired. We'll take pics and post them for sure. Hopefully SOON, just have to invite myself to a wedding. haha We are VERY thankful to Maggie and Diana sacrificing their day and sleep to show us around and take us shopping. I should mention that Savannah and I would have NEVER been able to do all these things on our own... We maybe could have handled the material and selvar portion, but no way for the sari and all that other stuff part. The area we went to is considered "tough" even for locals. It is SO CROWDED (even more than T. Nagar, I think!) and the streets are tiny, filled with people, cars, bikes, autos, regular rickshaws, cows, and more people. Amazing. Savannah mentioned a couple times she felt like she was in a movie. Quite surreal. We're very fortunate and thankful for Diana and Maggie!
Holy moly this is long and there's one more story to tell. If you're bored you can pretend like this is intermission. Go stretch your legs, get some popcorn and come back in a little while. I promise the ending will be worth it.
Gideon knew we were missing our church home and the few churches we had visited here did not feel "right" for us. They were very formal, although protestant, felt Catholic-like, with mass and all. Not our scene. So we haven't gone in a very long time. But this weekend he suggested a place where is brother goes. And I took him up on it. OK, let's do it. 5PM Sunday afternoon service, across town, but I am in. So we made car arrangements and headed to Nungambakkam (yep, Nungambakkam) and went to meet Soloman for service. I was a little nervous. We made it there (after about an hour's drive) and met Soloman out front. We walked up some stairs, around a corner, through a small area and came to an opening. As we walked up the stairs I heard one of my favorite worship songs, "I am Free," complete with drums and electric guitar. Savannah saw my face light up and quietly warned me not to embarrass her. I was so excited. Relieved. Instantly knew we were in the right place. So we walked in, finished the song and sang to a couple more. It felt great. Then the pastor, a Canadian named Eric, gave the sermon based on the theme, "Greater." God wants us to be greater than we are. He used the story of Abraham (earlier called Abram) and Genesis 12:1, which says:
The LORD said to Abram, "Leave your land, your relatives, and your father's home. Go to the land that I will show you.
And Pastor Eric explained that Abraham did not want to leave his familiar country, family, and everything, but he had faith in God and knew this is what he must do. On a much smaller scale, this is what we did. We followed God's will, which brought us to Chennai. So, as I always do, I cried. And cried. And when I thought I was done crying, I just cried more. Not sobbing crying, but tears running down my face like someone turned on the water faucet and I couldn't shut it off. Partly because I could relate, partly because I knew this is probably exactly what Savannah needed to hear, but mostly because I am so thankful that He sends His messages just when we need them. God KNEW we needed affirmation and confirmation that we are in the right place, following His wishes for us. And he sent us to this church to hear this message at this perfect time. When we were struggling and questioning our reasons for being here. The pastor followed up with a few more verses that really resonated with me, but the other one that sticks in my mind is Hebrews 11:8:
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.
That is exactly what Savannah and I did... and he even slipped my very favorite verse in there, well, the beginning of it, anyway - Jeremiah 29:11:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I know this has been a long post, and if you're still reading, thank you. I am so thankful for the great friends and family we have around the world cheering us on. This was a hard week. Maybe the hardest so far, because I saw my baby girl's heart breaking and saw the suffering and could not do anything about it except pray. And pray I did. And ask for prayers, so I did that as well. God sent us to find a church family, and I think we have. I see good things coming our way and ask for your continued prayers, good vibes and all around thoughts of positivity and God's favor while we are here.
Sending you blessings of God's love from Chennai. And for all those football fans watching the Superbowl in a few hours, 49'ers beat the Ravens!
Wednesday she came home and I didn't go to the gym because I needed to talk to her. We had to figure this out. She had culture shock from the return trip home. I knew it, but I also knew she was stronger than the emotions and could tough it out. Well, after a little bit of talking, it turned into crying. Sobbing. Teenage hysteria. She HAD to move back to the US because school was terrible, she doesn't have friends outside of the four to five people in her class, who she never sees outside of school, we don't go anywhere and she is SO different than everyone here. People talk about her in the local language, people stare, she will never fit in and she wants to be back where the is the norm. Of course, I felt like the biggest loser mom on the planet since I prevented none of this. I saw her being sad and didn't do anything about it. So, working to fix the situation, and since it was time for me to leave and she was still not OK for me to leave, I told my boss I needed to stay home that night. I worked from home online after she went to bed. She still wasn't much better when it was time to sleep. Rough night. My co-manager suggested that I take off and/or work from home for the rest of the week to spend some quality time with my girl. At first I thought there was no way, it has been so busy, but the more I thought about it, I had to make sure she knew she was my priority. So, a little reluctantly, but knowing it was the right decision, I asked for the rest of the week off with the intention of signing on after she went to bed and staying up with e mails and being available on IM. It worked out well.
Thursday afternoon she came home from school and sat down to do some studying. I told her I was off and asked if she wanted to go to dinner. Somewhat begrudgingly, she agreed and we went to a new place that Gideon recommended. It was amazing. Pricier than my cheap self would pay normally, but it was nice to go somewhere new and enjoy a terrific meal in a wonderful ambiance. We talked for a bit and eventually reached an agreement that she would stay here and complete the school year. It is through April, so that is only three months and she can decide then what she will do. She wasn't thrilled about the deal - really was ready to hop on a plane this weekend - but I think she would regret it later in life. I know it's hard now. But I know the end result of this will be life changing for both of us, and only in good ways.
OK let's fast forward because you know I can't tell a short story. Thursday night, dinner, talk, bed for her, work for me. Friday night, went to visit our friend Tom's wife, Cherie (the Americans who moved here from Copenhagen in Dec.) and then dinner again, at a place of her choice, bed for her and work for me.
Saturday we had plans with Maggie and Diana from our office to take us around shopping, try to find a new school uniform tailor for Savannah and see some areas we have not visited yet (there's a lot of those to be seen!). So at noon we were in the car and heading towards Velachery to pick up Diana. Savannah was excited to see a McDonald's and plans to return soon LOL. With Diana in the car, we headed toward Egmore to meet Maggie for some shopping of materials to have a selvar made for Savannah. And, as it turned out, for me, too. We enjoyed a great fresh juice shop (twice, it was so good) and even tried our first tender coconut juice. It was pretty tasty and we know it's so good for us, we even ate the inside, which was an interesting texture. A little slimy, but not much taste to it. After we had our materials in hand, we went to be measured by the tailor. We had to select the style and collar shape and length and I don't know what else. Thank goodness for Maggie and Diana to tell us what is "in fashion" (Savannah was so worried about that!) and what would look nice on us. After the tailor we went over toward Parrys (pronounced Paris) for some more shopping, but first a stop on the way at Chennai's most famous place for omelet bread. Mmmm this was some GOOD STUFF. So we had our snack and were ready for some serious shopping. While in India, I am bound and determined to go to a wedding. I would really like to go to A LOT of weddings, but it's been seven months and I haven't made one yet. Our Kenya expat has been to TWO and she came after me! I am sad. And maybe a little jealous. So I told my comanagers to hook me up, and apparently our issue is that we work overnights when these things are happening... So I will be scoping out all the upcoming weddings and seriously considering just walking into one if an invite doesn't happen soon... It's "marriage season" right now and EVERY weekend (Thurs/Fri nights) we see lots and lots of marriages taking place. On the ECR we travel often, we have seen brides and grooms in a horse drawn carriage two weeks in a row! We pass the entrance sign and I tell Savannah, "Ohhhh let's go crash it! You know they won't kick the white girls out." And she rolls her eyes. But the driver knows I am intrigued and every time he sees one, he says, "Madam, marriage. Look." I bet one day he pulls over and tells me, "Come" and we walk in. LOL
Anyway, since I want to go to a wedding/marriage ceremony, I figure I need to be ready at a moment's notice and decided to buy a sari and came home with a beautiful blue one, kind of like this. And FINALLY my fair skin worked in my favor. The shop owner was telling Maggie one price (all in Tamil) and she was holding firm it should be less, quite a bit less. After him telling her since she is his sister (Indian) why would he give her such a price? But since it was for me, the American, he is happy to reduce the price. What??? Yay for this working in my favor for once!! So then we went across the way and bought fancy jewelry to go with it... And we bought Savannah an age-appropriate dress that she wanted for when I drag her along to a wedding. I can't find a proper picture of it since I cannot remember what it's called, but it is a three piece suit with a flowy skirt, kinda looks like this on the left in the blue. Hers is purple and pink. She finally decided after hitting about 5 shops and me agreeing to pay more than I set out to pay - but still knowing it was a good price because it was a wholesale area and Maggie said it was worth every rupee. Plus it was after 9PM and we were starving and tired. We'll take pics and post them for sure. Hopefully SOON, just have to invite myself to a wedding. haha We are VERY thankful to Maggie and Diana sacrificing their day and sleep to show us around and take us shopping. I should mention that Savannah and I would have NEVER been able to do all these things on our own... We maybe could have handled the material and selvar portion, but no way for the sari and all that other stuff part. The area we went to is considered "tough" even for locals. It is SO CROWDED (even more than T. Nagar, I think!) and the streets are tiny, filled with people, cars, bikes, autos, regular rickshaws, cows, and more people. Amazing. Savannah mentioned a couple times she felt like she was in a movie. Quite surreal. We're very fortunate and thankful for Diana and Maggie!
Holy moly this is long and there's one more story to tell. If you're bored you can pretend like this is intermission. Go stretch your legs, get some popcorn and come back in a little while. I promise the ending will be worth it.
Gideon knew we were missing our church home and the few churches we had visited here did not feel "right" for us. They were very formal, although protestant, felt Catholic-like, with mass and all. Not our scene. So we haven't gone in a very long time. But this weekend he suggested a place where is brother goes. And I took him up on it. OK, let's do it. 5PM Sunday afternoon service, across town, but I am in. So we made car arrangements and headed to Nungambakkam (yep, Nungambakkam) and went to meet Soloman for service. I was a little nervous. We made it there (after about an hour's drive) and met Soloman out front. We walked up some stairs, around a corner, through a small area and came to an opening. As we walked up the stairs I heard one of my favorite worship songs, "I am Free," complete with drums and electric guitar. Savannah saw my face light up and quietly warned me not to embarrass her. I was so excited. Relieved. Instantly knew we were in the right place. So we walked in, finished the song and sang to a couple more. It felt great. Then the pastor, a Canadian named Eric, gave the sermon based on the theme, "Greater." God wants us to be greater than we are. He used the story of Abraham (earlier called Abram) and Genesis 12:1, which says:
The LORD said to Abram, "Leave your land, your relatives, and your father's home. Go to the land that I will show you.
And Pastor Eric explained that Abraham did not want to leave his familiar country, family, and everything, but he had faith in God and knew this is what he must do. On a much smaller scale, this is what we did. We followed God's will, which brought us to Chennai. So, as I always do, I cried. And cried. And when I thought I was done crying, I just cried more. Not sobbing crying, but tears running down my face like someone turned on the water faucet and I couldn't shut it off. Partly because I could relate, partly because I knew this is probably exactly what Savannah needed to hear, but mostly because I am so thankful that He sends His messages just when we need them. God KNEW we needed affirmation and confirmation that we are in the right place, following His wishes for us. And he sent us to this church to hear this message at this perfect time. When we were struggling and questioning our reasons for being here. The pastor followed up with a few more verses that really resonated with me, but the other one that sticks in my mind is Hebrews 11:8:
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.
That is exactly what Savannah and I did... and he even slipped my very favorite verse in there, well, the beginning of it, anyway - Jeremiah 29:11:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I know this has been a long post, and if you're still reading, thank you. I am so thankful for the great friends and family we have around the world cheering us on. This was a hard week. Maybe the hardest so far, because I saw my baby girl's heart breaking and saw the suffering and could not do anything about it except pray. And pray I did. And ask for prayers, so I did that as well. God sent us to find a church family, and I think we have. I see good things coming our way and ask for your continued prayers, good vibes and all around thoughts of positivity and God's favor while we are here.
Sending you blessings of God's love from Chennai. And for all those football fans watching the Superbowl in a few hours, 49'ers beat the Ravens!
Hugs and kisses to you both. I am sorry you had a tough week but I agree your journey is transformational. On a lighter note, I want to come visit and buy a blue sari like yours!
ReplyDeleteKAG
Thank you, Kristin! It's getting better :) And we would LOVE to have visitors, so you tell me when and we will be avaialable! I've tried to convince Nicole & Kevin to come to India instead of Italy (you know, the other I country...) but they aren't quite on board yet. See what you can do and yall make it a family affair :)
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